A Very Non-Existential Kitty

Good morning, my furry brothers and sisters. Yesterday night, my humans came back from the Internet Cat Video Festival at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis (http://www.walkerart.org/openfield/programs/internet-cat-video-film-festival/). Personally, I'm not sure why they felt the need to go and watch other cats do stupid things when I'm right here. One of the highlights of the show was a video about an existential cat named Henri (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34z5dCmC4M). I have to admit, I find this Henri character to be a shameful member of the cat species. How can one call oneself a cat and not believe themselves to be the absolute best thing in existence? I don't understand it.

It has been quite some time since my last update to this blog, and for that, I sincerely apologize. Since that time, my life hasn't changed too much. The summer has arrived and with it shedding season. I've developed a new habit of growling at people I really don't like.

Speaking of things I don't like: I heard some troubling news. This weekend, Sudha's family will be coming into town and they will be bringing the infernal King Charles Spaniel by the name of Ruby. I mean, really! Bringing a dog into my house! What is the world coming to?

Now to be honest, I have met Ruby before at her house in Chicago. And to be honest, she has a proper appreciation for the regalness of her position, unlike Henri the cat. She is definitely the queen of her house. While I was there I took it upon myself to assert my authority over her. I would bat her on the nose, hiss and her to scare her away and then eat her food, for instance. I mean to continue this proud tradition.

One of my humans, Evan, is turning 30 on Monday. Sudha is throwing him a party a week from Saturday, and I've heard that they plan to dress me up in a collar covered with Swiss flags. Switzerland being his country of origin. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I do like my skull and crossbones collar.

Perhaps the new collar will change my demeanor. Although I truly doubt that.

Ghost of Kitty Past

I have become a grouchy, unfriendly, hissing monster of a cat in my old age, my furry brothers and sisters. Well, that isn't entirely accurate; I'm perfectly amiable around humans that I have gotten to know. Especially cuddly with those who feed and shelter me on a regular basis. So I thought I would show off a picture of myself from a simpler, friendlier time. Those were the days when I would anyone pick me up and sit on anyone's lap.

Those days are now over. I have now officially surpassed the famed cat named Caesar to being the craziest cat around. According to my humans' friend Seth, that is.

I am settling down a bit as I get older. I'm almost 4 years old now, if you can believe that. Shedding season is coming around again this year. Despite that fact, I've found that I enjoy to bless my humans' laps with the grace of my furry presence. It doesn't take long for a thick coating of cat hair to cover them. If the scratch me behind the ears then we get cat hair "tumbleweeds" drifting across the hard-wood landscape.

When it comes to strangers, however, I have a zero tolerance policy. If they reach out a hand to pet me, I hiss. If they walk over to the area where I'm sitting, I hiss. If they look at me in a strange way, I stare back at them.

Just the other day Evan and Sudha's friend Dave came over. Now, strangers come over all the time, but this one had the nerve to go upstairs! Upstairs, of all places! Not only did I hiss as this clear affront to my sovereignty, I the kitty whine/growl. The same growl I used on Evan's cousin John last year.

I can't fully explain it. I get jumpy when strangers are around. I have my two humans well trained. But most other humans are not. They put me on edge, I dart around at the slightest movement from them. Strangely, though, they still make me somewhat curious. So I'm allowed to approach them, but they aren't allowed to approach me.

Spring is fully upon us now, and the windows are open more and more often. I've been getting more visits from the orange stray tom cat lately, as well. He likes to lounge on my back porch and taunt me. He walks by sometimes when Evan is out grilling. It's ok though, I let him know how I feel.

Until next time, my furry brothers and sisters.

A Kitty Who is Actually Cuddly

It has been a long, but not very cold month, of silence on my part, my furry brothers and sisters. Since I last wrote in this blog, it was still the year of our cat 2011. Now it is 2012, and so far the year has been quite unusual.

The last night of 2011 and the first morning of 2012 saw me closed into the laundry room upstairs while my humans entertained guests. Humans have this strange tradition of inviting other humans over, drinking alcohol and making a lot of noise to celebrate the New Year. First of all, I'm not really sure why one would invite another adult of your species over. Aren't they afraid the guest is going to steal their territory, pee on their home and belongings and arch their backs and hiss at them? Maybe that's not a human thing.

Second, what is the reasoning behind dulling one's senses and making a lot of noise? As a superior being, I value my heightened senses and ability to move silently while stalking my unsuspecting victims. And prey would have heard and smelled these noisy humans from miles away.

Anyway, they didn't let me out of the Laundry room during the the party because I have somewhat of a reputation. I did get to see a couple of the guests in the early morning of the 1st, however. Seth was still sleeping on the couch when Evan let me out. We stared at each other, Seth muttering "oh god" under his breath. Then I swiped at his hand as he tried to reach for his glasses. I'm not sure what it is about this Seth character, but he asks for it more than others.

Evan sometimes texts him pictures of me being cude, sweet and cuddly. I don't think he believe they are real, however. But you can see the photo of me above, sleeping peacefully on Evan's lap and getting in the way of his work. This picture is not altered in any way. I curl up on laps, I purr with great abandon, and I let them pet me.

Only after a very lengthy interview process, of course.

It has been an unusually warm winter here. Temperatures have been above freezing for most days of the past 2 to 3 months. It still seems a little cold and wet out there for my tastes, however, and it's still cold enough to spend a good amount of time every evening curled up on a human's lap. I do hope that this very warm weather doesn't continue on through the summer. It gets quite hot and humid around here. I am originally a desert creature, so I prefer the climate to be somewhat dryer.

Anyway, I will see you next time, my furry brothers and sisters.

All Quiet on the Kitty Front

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, my furry brothers and sisters! This weeks marks the last week in the year of our cat 2010. It has been an exciting year. This was the first full year I spent in my new house. As the year winds down, my humans spend their time travelling to see family(whatever that is) and preparing for a new years party. Really what the word party means to me is an opportunity to hide from a bunch of strangers and hiss at them if they get too close.

I had a good week alone in the house; the kindly neighbor man came over to feed me a couple times a day. He must have been notified of my diet, because he stopped feeding me a lot more than my regular humans do.

Evan and Sudha returned home from the mystical country of Switzerland last Monday, and were very pleasantly excited to see me. I love it when my minions lavish attention on me. Naturally, I try to return the favor. I'm hoping they don't notice that they haven't trimmed my claws in quite some time. But I think Evan definitely is catching on. Both of my humans have taken to calling me their "furry alarm clock." I usually take my cue from the real alarm clock, which they frequently don't hear, then I climb onto the side of the bed next to Evan and reach under the cover to wake him up. My only motivation is that I don't want him to be late for work!

Evan is the one that feeds me every morning. It's gotten to the point where I will just ignore Sudha if she is awake before him because it's breaking the pattern. I must say, both of them are very good at dispensing the kibble, but there's just something about the way Evan does it in the morning. Sudha's better at doing it in the afternoon when they come home.

There is some good news from Switzerland though: Evan's mother, who's lap I graced with my divine presence around Thanksgiving time, is in remission. Her chemo and radiation is done with and everything is looking good. Clearly the moral of this story is that anyone who needs curing of any kind needs a cuddly cat to sleep on their lap. I'm not sure how anyone could deny the healing power of my tiny, fuzzy, presence.

I am looking forward to next year, 2012, which Evan informs me is the last year of life as we know it. I will see you next year, my furry brothers and sisters!

Stepping Lightly in a Kitty Wonderland

It's beginning to feel a lot like that time of year where I get left in the cold house for a week, my furry brothers and sisters. I'm not sure why my humans have to leave in the first place, but to add insult to injury, they feel the need to turn down the heat while they are gone. It's truly a far cry from the glory days of summer when I can bask in the scalding temperatures that are more befitting my heritage as a desert creature. Would it be so much to ask for to allow me to operate the thermostat?

It's not all bad though, the kindly old neighbor human comes over to serve me. He is quite generous with the kibble portions. Usually he also gives me a treat of wet food once or twice during the week.

Contrary to my reputation, I am quite cuddly and adorable. It takes me quite some time to get used to a new human. Sometimes this process take take weeks, but occasionally I can tolerate someone after a few days. I mentioned my human's mother a couple of posts ago, I hadn't quite forgiven her for bringing the cold weather with her yet. But I rather quickly warmed up to her, in comparison to other visitors. She spent most of her time on the la-z-boy recliner, so was ultimately non-threatening. On her third day here in my house I decided to take a nap on her lap and let her scratch me behind the ears. I think she was rather pleased. She seemed like she could use the loving attention of a superior being like myself.

I sat on her lap again after they all got back from their Thanksgiving trip.

I tried something new a few weeks ago: lay down on the couch next to someone who was over for dinner. Evan and Sudha's friends, Paul and Tara, came over, and brought Tara's Dad and Sister. I graciously allowed Tara's sister to sit in the spot next to me on the couch without so much of a hiss.

I did hiss later, to be sure, but that's to be expected.

Anyway, I wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year!

In Memoriam

It has been a sad weekend, my furry brothers and sisters. My canine counterpart from across the sea has passed away. She was a lovely old girl. Here are some pictures of her provided by Evan's sister Jane. Below the pictures is a note from Rosie that her human found when going through her things.

Sevgili kediciğim Harriet,

I can't write much, forgive me.  I have to go in a little while for my rabies shot.

The salutation is in Turkish, the language of my birth masters.  I've had the urge lately to do some digging around my roots, so when Feed-and-walk-me Female is out during the day I bone up on my Turkish. I can't get up to the desktop computer anymore.  Thanks heavens for the iPad.  So intuitive.  The screen licks clean very nicely.

Mistress is not coming home smelling of chemicals so much now, but rather of sunburn.  The weather has been dry and often sunny, but her face is not red, so I wonder. The sunning place must be far off, because she comes home very tired.  I do my best to make things easy for her, taking my pills easily and not lingering before doing my business when she takes me out.  I make it clear that the walks can be short.

I had a bout of The Gushing Bottom not long ago accompanied by some heaves.  Both Mistress and Early Up Male were patient with me, but they were put out.  I did my best to drop it all on the (Turkish) carpet where it would be less noticeable, but they took great pains to eradicate all my careful work. Then they tried to starve me!  Nothing at all for more than 36 hours, and after that a fraction of the normal haul.  

Then much whispering and hand wringing when Happy Hug Talk Female came back carrying scents new to me.  Much talking into the plastic thing in their hands. Significant looks in my direction.  Then they started to feed me some more, my troubled innards having calmed down, and I started to feel good again.  Whereupon all three bipeds seemed to cheer up.  They have a thing about firm stools, I guess.

Home-in-the-evenings Person has brushed me twice recently.  About time.  I know you cats are proud of your fur, but you should  see mine.  And stroke it.  Everyone says it's exquisite.  Brushing Male was quite overcome the other day as he undid my tangles.

Since the bad patch I have been getting even more food than normal.  But I must say that the overall service is not what it could be.  Since I cannot always get up, depending on where I've settled down, I naturally have to call for assistance.  This at first confuses them, as if, after 12 years, they still have trouble telling my calls apart.  No, there's no one at the door.  Please just lift my ass up so I can take a little drink.

I was thinking of laying down some post-its to remind myself of where not to lie, but that would give away much and we don't want the delusional Tall Ones cottoning on to the Great Dog Ruse.

It also seems to bother them that I sometimes fall down when walking or when going for the perfect angle of pee or poop.   I agree about the poop, and am careful to stay up, but when you gotta pee and you can't get up, you just pee.  

The other day the carrying box would not accept us inside so Porter Male carried me down the dreaded steps.  It was sweet, if tense.

We had a visit from some very nice humans for a visit last week.  Cooking Woman  was very tired, but she and her pack mate Kiwi fixed up that dinner with cheese and potatoes and it smelled very fine. Especially the thin slices of meat.  The visitors had a bitch pup who was very engaging and nice with me.  She agreed about my fur being so nice and planted a few highly appropriate kisses on my coat.  

I am tired and cannot do much, and I admit to more and more frequent moments of concern, as when I can't get up to take a drink when there are no bipeds at home.   Or when the building cats don't bother to move away when I shuffle up to them.  Movement is getting harder and harder and and I am not strong.  

Beautiful and sweet only get a bitch so far.

Still, I'm happy.

Anyway, Puss, I have to go. Take care of yourself.

Rosie

My House, in the Middle of My Street

It has been too long, my furry brothers and sisters. Winter is finally settling upon us here in the cold northern wastelands. It snowed on Saturday, just in time for Evan's mother to come into town. Strangely, it's as if she brought it with her just to spite me. As I dictate this to my human, I am at home alone with Catherine, Evan's mother. She seems to want me to sit on her lap, but I haven't quite forgiven her for the affront of bringing the cold weather with her all the way from Switzerland.

Speaking of Switzerland, I have some unfortunate news for you all. Rosie, the loyal canine who guest posted her for us once has passed away. Please keep her and her manservant, John, in your thoughts. John has provided me with a note that he found among Rosie's personal affects, and I will be posting it here after this entry is concluded.

My month has also been quite busy. I had my annual vet appointment a few weeks ago. Evan asked me very nicely to try to keep the hissing to a minimum this time around, and I did my best. I managed to only hiss once, and let go one low growl. I mean, wouldn't you want to hiss and growl if someone was taking your temperature from the rear-end? In addition, they felt the need to "clean" me out back there as well. As a result, I've been deliberately licking that region in front of my humans more often, just to make them feel uncomfortable. It really only seemed to make them laugh, though, so I stopped it.

Winter usually brings with it a distinct lack of creatures to stalk through the windows, but the last week has been very much an exception. Not one, but two different cats have come up to the back door to harass me lately. One orange tabby cat, and one mixed orange and white cat. The tabby put on quite a show for my humans, and they infuriatingly gave it a little bit of food to eat out of "pity." I made my displeasure known unmistakably. Other cats do NOT get fed at my house!

Speaking of being fed, I am now on a much stricter diet than I was even before. The vet very insultingly said I needed to lose another pound or 2. I have to say, I am wasting away here. I am not getting enough food to maintain my adorable belly. I'm usually hungry again a couple of hours after breakfast and dinner. And now my gullible humans are feeding me even less than they were before.

I get revenge in my own ways. My new thing is sitting on Evan's chest in the morning and rubbing my paw against the blanket right next to his face. I usually do this very early in the morning. I am going to have the house to myself for a few days over Thanksgiving. The kindly neighbor man is going to come by to feed me. I like him, he worships at the alter of my beauty and cuteness.

Until next time my furry brothers and sisters. Please stay tuned for a lovely guest post from the dearly departed Rosie.